You Were Made For Me.

So a little bit of background information on me.

I am twenty nine.  I have two children.  A little girl who is nine and a boy who is five.  I am also divorced.  To support my children and myself I worked for a gerneral contractor that builds water and waste water treatmeant plants.  I was with them for almost three years before I lost my job in january.  I have a guardian angel named Tim.  Hes been my saving grace since our first date.  I've never been one to believe in love at first site or soul mates.  But this man was made for me.

When I lost my job a few months ago I was crushed.  I didnt know how I was going to make ends meet.  I had a room mate and I didnt know how I was going to make my portion of the rent.  Child support is so small.  No one can raise kids off it alone.  Shoot sometimes it seems impossible to raise kids with that and an income.  But Tim my best friend, confidant, and love of my life was there.  He had my back.  And after some discussion we decided together that we were going to get a house of our own and take the next step in our relationship.

Life has been easier since I had the weight of being a single parent taken off my shoulders almost instantly.  My son's father, my ex husband has not been in his life for two years.  I have been both the mother and father to this special little boy in my life.  Now I am not alone.  I have back up.  He loves my son and my son loves him.  For the first time in his little life he has a father that loves him.  A father who wants him.  A father who disaplines with a firm but caring hand. 

Blending a family is hard enough.  But taking a child that has no father figure and stepping into that role without a single question asked, now that is a hero.  Which is ironic to me.  My ex is one of the "unsung everyday heros" a firefighter paramedic.  In the truest test to his heroism he failed.  To walk away from a child you say you want at the start, but at the end you chose your own life over thiers.  That is a sad cowardly thing.

I have been blessed with the opportunity to live.  To honestly truly live and breath and be me.  To raise my children and give them the support that they deserve.  Friends have gotten jealous.  Called me names like Susie home make and what not but I have to laugh.  My life is far from perfect.  It however is perfect for me.  I get to lay down and wake up next to my best friend every day.  We begin and end every day with an I love you.  He supports my actions, and when he dosnt he voices his opinion in a kind way.  I am free to make my own choices and never have to fear about him getting mad because I may have choose to do something he dosnt agree with.  He supports us financially.  This affords me the opportunity to go back to college.  I loved construction dont get me wrong. It just wasnt something that I could do for the rest of my life.  Instead of telling me no you cant, you wont, or you will fail he has faith in me that I dont even have in myself.  He tells me yes you can, you will, and you will suceed.  That is one of the greatest feelings ever.

I used to dream of that knight in shining armor my prince charaming......well a really hot hockey player would have done the trick too.  But I am more then happy with my frumpy, messy, duck hunting, redneck, working man. 

Oh my word what was I thinking????

Twenty nine year old, mom of two, divorced, and starting life over.  This is me.  After being out of school for nine years plus I am back in.  Change of major, change of life views, and scared out of my mind.

I worked in construction off and on for ten years.  Ten years of working in a man driven industry.  I was good at my job.  But after so long I no longer loved it.  So there I sit trying to figure out what do I want to do when I grow up.  It dawned on me....nursing thats what I want to do.

My son who is now five was a NICU baby.  We had some wonderful nurses there.  I want to be one of them.  I no longer want to go to a job where what I do really makes no difference.  There has to be something I could do where what I do makes a difference to others like those NICU nurses did for me.  Then I lost my job.  After working for a GC for almost three years I found myself unemployeed and unsure what I wanted to do.  Sure I said many times I am going to go back to school.  Just never had any reason to really.

Now here I sit.  College student, and stay at home mom.  I am lucky.  My SO makes enough to afford for us to have me stay home with my kids.  Yup thats right they arnt even his.

I started back to school last week.  Because I signed up for a late start course everything is being squished into my pea brain in the course of eight weeks.  Now I have been assigned a research paper and I am sitting here scratching my head because for the life of me I cannot figure out what to do it on. 

Sure there are numerous ideas that have popped into my head.  But none seem good enough for my paper.  What the heck was I thinking?  Almost thirty years old and going back to school and switching my major.  But I know I can and I will do this.  Life has placed huge speed bumps in my path.  But they can't stop me and they won't slow me down.